Natalie Taschlerova: “Yes, I don’t fit the standard of a classic figure skater: I don’t weigh 40 kilograms, I’m not compact and not petite. I have a beautiful, strong body, and I no longer want to be ashamed of it. I have accepted how I look and who I am.”
Natalie Taschlerova about struggling with eating disorders.
original source: sports.ru by Maya Bagriantseva
In a very frank monologue, cited and posted on sports.ru by correspondent Maya Bagriantseva, Czech ice dancer Natalie Taschlerova talks about weight, criticism and eating disorders in figure skating. Here’s a translation.
“This summer, I experienced a crisis with my health, primarily psychological. I faced an eating disorder and now understand that it’s wrong to remain silent about such things.
It all started four years ago when my father passed away. It was unbearable, and from stress, I almost stopped eating. It’s not that I did it on purpose; just that depression doesn’t choose where to hit you. The first troubles with food began exactly then.
Last year, I came across an article — a huge piece by a Russian publication, comparing me to Diana Davis. At that competitions in Bratislava, Filip and I lost to her and Gleb Smolkin.
The article discussed what is more important — power skating or beauty, and it was clear that ‘beauty’ was not about me. It also mentioned my excess weight and that as a skater, I was greatly overrated. Overall, not very pleasant.
I started receiving personal messages on social media: ‘You need to lose weight,’ ‘cow on ice,’ ‘poor guy, she’ll break his back’ — reading such things, you feel disheartened. Moreover, people write from anonymous accounts — they lack the courage to say it openly.
It broke me. I started thinking that I should quit figure skating; all sorts of thoughts crossed my mind. The whole season went like on a seesaw: I was greatly shaken emotionally. And then in spring, I realized: enough; it can’t go on like this, I’m tired of being constantly unhappy. The worst thing is that I’m not the only one facing these feelings — many of my acquaintances in figure skating go through the same but are embarrassed to speak about it.
Our sport is such that everyone is used to seeing a shiny wrapper: cute girls with festive makeup and in beautiful dresses. And these girls are always smiling. And no one suspects what hides behind this display.
I’m not yet ready to speak openly about what I went through. But I have definitely said goodbye to rose-colored glasses and have started to look at life and our sport much more soberly. Yes, I don’t fit the standard of a classic figure skater: I don’t weigh 40 kilograms, I’m not compact and not petite. But I have accepted this: this is how I am — I cannot be different. I started working with a psychologist who specializes in eating disorder issues. I feel much better, but the main thing: I realized that health is above all else.
Now I am learning anew to love my body, my legs, my figure. I was always terribly ashamed of my arms — that they are too athletic and not feminine. In school, boys teased me that my arms were thicker than theirs and such words stick in your head permanently.
Now I’m better, I’ve even started to dress differently. Previously, I hid myself under clothes: the baggier, the better. Yes, I still like oversized clothes, but now I choose it because I like it, not in order to hide my body. I am wearing dresses, shorts, and short skirts again — it was not easy to get there.
This summer, for the first time in several years, I went to the beach in a bikini and it was a real victory.
Yes, not everything is perfect — there are better days and there are days as dark as before, but it seems that I am relearning how to be happy. I am learning to take care of myself and trying to remember that I have something to be proud of — after all, I competed in the Olympics, which is not a small feat.
For the first time in a long time, to the question ‘How are you?’ I can honestly answer, ‘excellent,’ instead of averting my eyes and muttering ‘fine.’ I wake up and happily think about the training ahead. It seems that I love figure skating again and accept myself on the ice just as I am.
With food, things are slowly getting better as well. Yes, there’s a lot of work ahead, I’m moving forward in small steps, but I know that I’m headed in the right direction. I can already eat ice cream, but I am still cautious with other foods — because of all this, I’ve accumulated a slew of stomach issues, so I need to act carefully here. At such moments, the people around you are very important. It’s so crucial that they believe in you and that you can trust your loved ones. Now several new specialists work with me — in physiotherapy and in the gym, and I feel so much love and unconditional acceptance from all of them. I am not afraid to open up to them and work without regard to external standards.
For the first time in my life, I go to the gym for myself — to be healthy, not to please someone else. I am working on my body because it’s necessary for me, not for strangers. I always thought that as soon as I lose a few kilograms, everyone will finally leave me alone. I was thinking not about myself but about how others wanted to see me.
Also, it’s important to hear that you are needed. When I ended up in the hospital during the summer training in the Czech Republic, Masha Kazakova (a figure skater from the Georgian team – ed.) came to see me. I was hospitalized because my body couldn’t cope — it had accumulated too many digestive issues for too long. I completely fell apart and was emotionally at rock bottom — I didn’t understand how to go on. But Masha said that it was because of me she decided not to quit the sport after breaking up with her partner. It turns out to be so important to know that you can inspire someone. You immediately feel stronger, and somehow, the desire to fight appears.
Kaitlin Hawayek was such an example for me in her time. She was one of the first to raise this issue and was not afraid to be vulnerable. What she openly shared about what girls go through in figure skating is invaluable. ‘You need to lose weight.’ A fan reprimanded the skater during a joint photo. I am also inspired by gymnasts. I am a huge fan of artistic gymnastics, especially Simone Biles. In my childhood, I practiced gymnastics quite seriously until I was 13, combining it with figure skating. I have an athletic body type, and I know I resemble a gymnast. The other day, Simone posted a photo of her new tattoo with the phrase Made in heaven.
This phrase is for me — about all of us and about self-love. I need to learn to value myself, and Biles is the main role model for me in this. I have a beautiful, strong body, and I no longer want to be ashamed of it. I have accepted how I look and who I am — not without the help of specialists. And I want to tell girls all over the world: don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is no joke, your health is the most important thing in the world.”
Related topics: Natalie Taschlerova Filip Taschler
Unbelievable to read that such a beautiful girl could not go to the beach in a bikini. These amazing girls are under too much pressure.
Kudos to her!!❤️