Gabriella Papadakis: “Another time, and I don’t even know if I was of age, a TV commentator tells me that he would like to be in bed with me. What hurts me the most is not the acts themselves, but the way they are normalized.”
Translation of Gabriella Papadakis comments about burnout in sports, going to therapy and sexual abuse in figure skating.
original source: francetvinfo.fr dd. 22d march 2024 by Quentin Ramelet
Here’s a translation of Gabriella Papadakis comments made in the interview with Franceinfo.
“Gabriella Papadakis: I felt like I was the only one who saw that there were things that were wrong, that had hurt me, that had been a bit unhealthy in the past, and that I still bear the scars of.
When I talked to many close friends, especially to female skaters, everyone told me: “Yes, after my career, it also happened to me. Even though my career was very beautiful, it took me years to make peace with certain things.
Q: These issues that you’re discussing, do you want to talk about them today?
Gabriella Papadakis: I don’t know. [She thinks for a long time] There are certain things that I don’t want to mention, but for example, everything that happened in recent years with the Sarah Abitbol case… Even though afterward, it was wonderful, because it changed a lot of things and allowed people to move out of denial a bit. It certainly allowed me to break out of denial as well. Suddenly, I thought to myself, ‘Oh yeah, actually, it was an environment.’
Q: And looking back, did you feel this “environment” when you were younger?
Gabriella Papadakis: Yes, but it was so normalized… [She stops and starts again] It was so normalized that I didn’t realize. Actually, little by little, you grow up, time passes, and you hear stories like that. You tell yourself that it’s not as normal as you thought. And maybe I have more scars than I thought.
Q: What do you mean?
Gabriella Papadakis: It’s important to understand that these are not isolated acts, nor isolated people. It’s an environment. For example, when I went on tour, I was between 16 and 18 years old. We went on tour with Gilles Beyer [who has been accused of rape by Sarah Abitbol]! Who was drunk, who made comments to us all day, and who entered our locker rooms while we were changing. We laughed about it because we didn’t know what else to do. There was no other way out. Everyone thought it was normal, and everyone acted as if it was. So yes, it’s an environment.
Another time, for example, and I don’t even know if I was of age, a TV commentator tells me that he would like to be in bed with me, and then makes other comments like that, about my body. What hurts me the most is not the acts themselves, but the way they are normalized.
You look around, and you see that people don’t care. I saw… [She pauses] I saw Gilles [Beyer], clearly… It wasn’t on the scale of what Sarah Abitbol described. I didn’t witness things to that level, but still, they were very problematic things. We already knew that he had a history of abuse, and he was dealing with young people as if nothing happened. In the end, you grow up telling yourself: ‘I don’t matter.’ It’s hard. Very hard. And you don’t even realize it. I, of course, didn’t tell myself that at the time. But now I realize that I was formed in this sport with this feeling.
Q: So, you realize during the Covid. Is that when you realized you were having a burnout?
Gabriella Papadakis: I think I’ve been burnout for a long time. And I stayed in burnout. Today it’s much better because it was work [therapeutic] that I couldn’t do while I was skating. I couldn’t face all these things while I was going to the rink every day. Hence the break. It wasn’t the only reason, but it was part of it. I had to do it, and I’m glad I did it because it allowed me to understand why I was less and less motivated, and more and more demoralized.
It’s demoralizing to realize that people don’t give a damn about your well-being! There are too many bad people around us. It’s a culture that allows it.
As we see, it’s hard to speak up. Now, I can draw strength from others, from those close to me, etc. But we see that the testimonies of the victims are still so poorly received. It’s hard to live with, it’s surreal. When I see the number of people who have gone through horrible things and know that they will never speak out because they know that it will never be taken seriously… There is something very demoralizing about it. So yes… [She searches for her words] Honestly, I needed a break.
Q: Today, how do you feel about all of this?
Gabriella Papadakis: How can I put it? I think it’s a process that takes a long time. And then it will never be over. All the people who are in therapy know it, there is no real end. In any case, the best thing I’ve done in my life is start therapy.
Q: In the end, what made you decide to see a therapist?
Gabriella Papadakis: I had started a little before [the Beijing 2022 Games], but I had trouble finding therapists that suited me.
Anyway, I believe my denial was so strong that unconsciously I knew that if I opened Pandora’s box, I would never make it to the Olympics. When there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to, you can have the best psychologists in the world, it doesn’t help.
It really happened after the Games, a little while after we announced our break. I still had the same difficulties for a number of years. A friend had gone through a therapeutic process and it had done her a lot of good. I had really seen the difference between before and after. That’s when I thought to myself: ‘I want that too.’
Today I realize that being followed by someone outside the sports world has done me a lot of good. It helped me to ‘denormalize’ things that had actually hurt me. To be able to tell yourself: ‘This was not normal, it was not acceptable.’ I went to see the same therapist as my friend, but it took weeks. And it’s funny because it was during the last session that there was ‘the thing.’ At least, the one where I told myself: ‘If there is not THE thing at the end of this one, I quit!’. It’s crazy when you think about it.
Q: Finally, where do you see yourself in five to ten years on a professional and personal level?
Gabriella Papadakis: In the distant future, I have a lot of ideas… [She laughs then thinks] We’ll see what will come to fruition. First of all, I want to continue to bring positive things to skating. Do it more. I would like to be part of the change and do what I can to ensure that the world of skating continues to evolve in a positive way because I know that the federation is focusing a lot on repairing things from the past and making it as healthy an environment as possible.
Then, I want to learn lots of things, have fun, continue to skate for a long time. [Laughs] Perhaps in my own shows? Explore my practice for myself. I would also like to do things in other artistic fields, even if it means bringing them into skating. Writing, theater, music that I love a lot. I want to mix all my passions a little.”
Related topics: Gabriella Papadakis Guillaume Cizeron
I have been feeling that Evgenia Medvedeva also was going through the process of redefining what’s normal and what’s not normal. Requires a lot of personal strength and maturity to go through this. Gabriella sounds like an absolutely lovely person.
Bless you for coming forward. The more people who come forward it forces more change.
I am so happy you sought professional help. Everybody deserves to get past these horrible things in their lives. So sad how so many awful people out there get off doing these vile things.
As an ice dance couple you and Giullaume were stunning to watch. All the best to you.